Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
