Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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