Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
