Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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