as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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