guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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