If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
