One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
