is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
