I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
