yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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