dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize