then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Randomize
