you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
