Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize