She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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