So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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