A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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