Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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