you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize