Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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