i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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