i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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