I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
