Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
