I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize