you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Randomize
