Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
