i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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