It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
