last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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