ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
