honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
