I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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