I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
