Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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