I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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