I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
