he thought i was a dude.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize