dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
