Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
