I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
