I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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