I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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