I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
