She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
