Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
im about as happy as oj after his trial
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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