I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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