I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
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