Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
