I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
