I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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