I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize
