Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize