After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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