census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
