Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Panties = found
Randomize
