are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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