people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
