Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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