I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
