just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
We had to coat check the pizza.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
