we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
