Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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