How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
