I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
