At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I miss vodka workout Fridays
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
