I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
