I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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