While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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