Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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